worm of the city

city lights drown sky
vermilion orange haze as
I lay where I’ll stay
——————————–
choked humidity
choked humility as I
lay where you’re away

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5 Comments

  1. I like this poem very much, the haze and “I’ll lay where I’ll stay” conveying the immobilizing heat, followed by the repetition of “choked” and the feeling of absence. (If editing, I *might* omit “Oh! What say!” only because it seems to end so strongly on “away” plus you already have the end-line/end-stanza rhyme of “stay” with “away” – but please take this with a grain of salt as of course it is your poem; I just like it ; )

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for reading and commenting! Actually, thank you for the advice. You’re right, I’m not sure why I included the “Oh! What say!” I’m changing now to something else that this made me think of.

      Liked by 1 person

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